i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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