how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
