I hate all girls vehemently.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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