Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
