Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
