I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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