I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
