thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
