he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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