i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
