Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
