I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
