I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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