Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I forget how to act sober
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
