Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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