you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
