JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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