lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They took my balls.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
