I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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