Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
