There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
