I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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