hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm too high and old for this...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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