I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was born a porn star she said
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
