I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
