I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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