all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
