Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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