well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
