By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
