I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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