I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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