Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
