We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the condom got lost in my hair
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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