I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
