We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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