Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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