Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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