Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
