just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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