i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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