You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
