While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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