i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
