Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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