chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
FUCK WHALES
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
