my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pants are for mortals
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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