Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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