I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
