saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
