Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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