So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
