I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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