Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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