i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
