sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
