somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
