if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
where are my eyebrows?
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