so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
