You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
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having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize