Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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