i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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