Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
