Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
