I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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