you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
