the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
