if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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