You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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