Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
